Why bars and night clubs are terrible places to socialise

A lot of individuals' social lives revolve around partying– specifically at night. "Social butterflies" will be seen thriving in these areas. Introverts, or shy people will look at them, and mistakenly make a connection. This is that these individuals' social success at work, or in every day life, may have to do with the practice they get by clubbing.
The introverts may believe visiting night clubs regularly may help them come out of their shells, and get more comfortable talking to strangers, or flirting. This is not the case at all.
The social scene in a night club doesn't really have anything in common with any healthy, real-life situations. Dim rooms, flashing lights, and booming music are not going to be encountered at work. Nor will they be found anywhere else. There is also a unique social structure at a night club. Everyone is relaxed, looking for fun, and usually intoxicated to some degree. Once again, this state of mind is not going to be encountered in the real world.
Associating with this infinitesimal aspect of life in fact, will more likely harm one's socializing ability, as well as reputation in the sober majority of life. Night clubs breed negative personality traits that employers and prospective partners do not look for: foolish risk-taking, unreliability, self-destructive behavior (drinking, smoking), a non-serious attitude towards life... Not to mention any socializing techniques one may learn in the night scene are seldom, if at all, applicable to life.
For example, chatting a woman up in the dark, with a lot of surrounding noise is very different from doing it under calmer conditions with bright lighting. The distractions and darkness of the former scene provide a cover for individuals, almost like a mask, that will not be there anywhere else.

A healthy alternative, and much preferred method for developing social skills is to join clubs (such as book clubs, running clubs, or academic clubs), visit places with lots of conversation starters, and research about how to be less shy.
What are the basics to becoming less shy?
First, mannerisms must be addressed. The basics that enable you to practice socializing must be learned. These include body language and guidelines for conversation.

Body language to remember:

Make eye contact.
Be careful not to stare them down. If it is uncomfortable to look into their eyes, it often helps to move in a discreet way while doing it. Wriggling one's toes in their shoes (discreetly, of course) makes eye contact less awkward, since redirecting some of the intensity to a slight movement helps a lot.

Actively listen.
Active listening is basically giving the speaker constant feedback, so they know that they are being understood, and that you are interested. It isn't entirely verbal. It is comprised of making eye contact, nodding the head, or asking follow-up questions for clarification. The idea is to not only look interested in the speaker, but to be interested.

Face the speaker.
Facing away from somebody subconsciously tells them you are not interested. A conversation won't last as long if one party believes the other to be disengaged. Simply having your whole body facing whoever is talking let's them know you are interested, and that they are your main focus.

Uncross the arms.
Crossed arms make people seem distant, and uninterested, or even slightly hostile. We subconsciously do it when we don't like who we're talking to, or when we feel offended. Unfortunately we also do it when we're shy. Simply being conscious of this, and making sure not to cross arms during a conversation will help a lot. It's easy to put hands into pockets, or let them rest at side, as a substitute.

These are very basic things to remember that will aid social skills. Watching them, as well as other body languages in other individuals will be beneficial, too. Seeing how they are used in others will help one be able to use them for themselves.


Next, comes places you can practice these basics.

Join a tour
Go on a tour. Tours have other people, and there's always a subject. You can make a comment to someone next to you, and that can jump-start a conversation.

Activity club
It makes sense that doing an activity you enjoy with other people who enjoy it. There would be lots of opportunities for conversation. And the best conversations are when both parties enjoy the subject. It's also a great way to find friends.

Classes
Taking classes at a local college would be great. It is the same idea as activity clubs.

Why I don't have male friends.

I don't have male friends. At all. Every male friendship I've ever had has gone to shit. Either I freaked him out, or started getting paranoid about him, or I simply disconnected with him, because I felt we had no need to be friends any longer.

Only one guy has ever told me he loved me. That was one of the worst experiences of my life. Not long after, we never spoke again. He didn't find me desirable in the slightest, and he was a terrible match for me. Although you could hardly call anything about it a "match", because I was not an option in his mind.

Am I too serious? Too blunt? Too funny? Not hot enough? Embarrassing? What is it? I'm not intimidating. Guy's don't talk about me at all. There is no drama associated with me, whatsoever. Could it be that? I'm simply unremarkable. And yet people think I'm a "difficult person to forget"...
That doesn't sound very comforting, either now, does it? Perhaps I'm just too weird. Maybe dating me would make the guy feel slightly uncomfortable.

Sometimes It's almost tempting to just say I'm a fricken lesbian. That would be a lot easier than trying to get guys. And I wouldn't have to be embarrassed when I have no stories about guys to share. The only story I have is a pathetic one about some internet "thing". It's not really a guy story.

I have had tonnes of feelings for guys: all unrequited. They are so beautiful. I check them out constantly. Maybe that's my problem. I'm a creep.