There are two pains:
One of what was,
and it's cousin,
what never was.

There is the pain
of fools, who
misunderstand,
and that of the wise,
who understand.

Samuel has recently started college. He thinks he wants to graduate with a degree in digital media design. I think that's perfect for him. We don't get to have quality time often, though we do keep in touch on Facebook. I embarrass him online whenever I can :-).

Sam recently told me Emma is doing fine. She may have failed me, but she did do a good job with him and Peter. I try to put the fact that I was robbed of being there for them aside. It makes me bitter to dwell on. Anyways, Peter is doing well, too. Junior in high school. He's got a girlfriend now apparently– a little Korean girl who is into break dancing. Sounds like fun.

Seeing Sam was truly the highlight for my week, though. We went hiking together. I am proud of his his exuberance, reliving what I once lived. Such a lanky boy, but a healthy kid. Taller than I was at 18. He's got his mother's eyelashes and thick, wavy blonde hair. He's wearing it a bit too long these days. I've been tempted to feel unhappy he resembles her, but he's got my dark and stern eyes, so I will say I've won this round. Kid's got a miserable little excuse for a beard, too, though don't tell him I said that. It's pretty patchy with red spots here and there. If he's anything like me though, he will be a viking in no time.

Sam told me he's never had a girlfriend before. He isn't too happy about it. I tell him it's not a worry, but I think he will ignore his old man's advice like most young men do. He doesn't need to experience the pain of women yet. I don't think he is ready, anyways. He's very idealistic. He needs to combat life on his own for a while, make some mistakes, make some decisions. I have a strong feeling he's going to be a good one though– not make some of the mistakes I have made.

Lumenase 2, the essence of your life.
Shoot up, reboot you and rid you of strife.
No other drug in merely a drop will give
such love, such virile and the will to live.
Mystery as to what wonder's within;
What magic is held in such a small tin.
Tired of sorrows and eager for change,
Drug me and leave me in stupor deranged.

My footfalls ring throughout the trees,
with no echo amongst them all.

The field before these woods had stretched as far as eyes could see.
Unlike this creeping, creaking forest which now surrounds me.

Any way I look I see archetype trees.
Every one I've seen thus far; identical to these.

There is no change of scenery, no promise of an end.
Should peril meet my hapless self, no alert could I send.

The uniformity, once nice,  has grown to bring me fear.
The sheltered canopy, now a shroud, no longer welcomes me here.